As I sit down to write this post, I feel as though I'm at a crossroads. Do I tell people what's been going on, or do I continue to live my social media life of: "Everything's great! Look at the skyline!" Pictures and posts, likes and shares: they continually seem to make everyone's life seem like it's going well.
Well, mine's not.
I started out in the fall at Northwestern University planning on spending the next eighteen months blasting through a Master's in Education program to prepare me to teach high school history. I felt absolutely ready to live outside the "Notre Dame bubble" and start my life as a real, grown-up adult who was adulting all over the place. I was ready to take on the responsibility of observation hours, lesson planning, and learning about words like "differentiation" and "tracking". I was pumped and excited to engage in this new community and be part of something different.
In short, I was in for a wake-up call.
I absolutely adored (and still adore) my students in CPS*, had a wonderful mentor teacher, and had a fantastic staff supporting me back at NU. However, there was a lot that was not happening. I was not involved with many other people in my program. I really only made a couple of friends. This was something that I couldn't really fathom after coming from the instant 200 family members of my dorm at ND, my Chorale Family, and my many friends made through various organizations and classes. I could not participate in extra-curricular activities like a choir because all of my classes were in the evenings.
While all of these social issues were occurring, I also was having a hard time keeping up with my work. I managed to have a good final push at the end of the quarter to finish strong, but the majority of the quarter was filled with stress and apathy in equal measure.
All of this compounded to lead to a lot of anxiety and panic about my place at Northwestern, and whether or not I was in the "right place". Thanks to my adviser Peg and my professor Rebekah--along with a lot of outside encouragement from my mom--I was able to make the difficult, but necessary, decision to take the next two quarters off from the program to get myself in order and re-evaluate my place there.
So, basically, I'm back in Columbus, OH until June when I'll make my decisions. Until then, I'll be working in after school child care in one of the local school districts (let me know if you're interested: they still need people!) five days a week, and will be singing with Capriccio Columbus, the community choir headed by my high school choir director, Larry Griffin.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as well as my family, and those who I came to know through Northwestern. I continue to pray for my students and teachers, and hope that anyone reading this will do the same.
Peace,
Carmen
*I have omitted the name of the CPS school in which I student taught for the privacy of my mentor teacher and that of my students.
